


Stuff in Common

by mariadperiad20



Series: ATLA Adventures [2]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst and Feels, Awkward Conversations, Family Issues, Field Trip, Friendship, PTSD, Past Child Abuse, Past Spousal Abuse, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Toph Beifong and Zuko are Siblings, Toph and Zuko are lowkey sibling energy, Toph curses, Toph has BDE, Trauma, Zuko's Scar (Avatar), implied sexual assault (spousal)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:01:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24773563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariadperiad20/pseuds/mariadperiad20
Summary: Zuko and Toph deserved an amazing, life-changing field trip. So they go on one - to bring back Zuko's mother from her banishment.aka: Toph and Zuko would have the most chaotic friendship in atla
Series: ATLA Adventures [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1795180
Comments: 62
Kudos: 660
Collections: avatar tingz





	1. Chapter 1

Zuko felt bad.

What else was new, right? But no, seriously - he’d been so worried looking for Aang, stopping his fa- stopping the Firelord, that he felt like he’d shunned Toph a bit. She’d been so excited, so hopeful.

The problem was she was just too perceptive. She wanted to talk about family, and that was a major off-limits thing for him. He could barely even talk about his family with Iroh, who was his _literal_ family.

Still, he supposed, she deserved a field trip just the same. Gods. Since when had he become a parent? He was amused at the thought, but it instantly turned bitter on his tongue - he couldn’t be like his father, couldn’t ever. He refused.

He sat down next to her - her feet planted firmly into the sand, inches from the lapping water of the beach.

“Zuko.” She acknowledged glumly, one hand idly forming small masterpieces out of the sand, before crushing them away.

“Toph, look, about the walk-”

“It’s fine. Seriously.” She sounded irritated - she wasn’t very good at hiding her emotions, it seemed. Although, to be fair, neither was he - “I get it. Your father is off committing genocide, my parents are just… overprotective.”

“Just because my -” Zuko began angrily, before biting his tongue. What would he say? That his life was hard? He was a fucking prince, heir to the throne. He had an uncle who cared about him, he had no right to complain about his lot. “Look, everyone’s got struggles. And… just because your struggles aren’t as hard- or, I mean, as violent anyway, er, wait, let me start over.”

“I know what you’re trying to say.” Toph said after a beat of awkward silence. “Just because my parents didn’t abuse me doesn’t mean they did everything right.”

“I never said my father hurt me!” Zuko snarled, before forcibly lowering his voice, taking a breath in a shaky attempt to regain control.

“Never said he did.” Toph shrugged. Then, adding, “But I totally knew it.”

“We’re done here.” Zuko’s voice was controlled, cold. He stood, and Toph’s expression changed to one of… almost panic.

“Zuko, wait!”

He stopped in his tracks - mainly because she had, it seemed, sunken him halfway up his calves in the sand.

“I didn’t mean to- ugh, why is this so hard? I’m sorry, you can- you can go.” Toph released him, and Zuko awkwardly hauled his feet out of the sand. He was ready to storm off, but just... he felt bad for her. Not pitying - he had had more than his fair share of pity and he wanted nothing to do with it - but he understood her.

It wasn’t like she had people to talk to about parents. Aang refused to think about negative things, ever - not to mention he was missing -, Sokka was an empathetic guy but wasn’t super tactful, and Katara… well, she struggled to discuss parents without talking about her trauma of losing her mom. Which, yeah, he could relate, but Zuko had the feeling that would just make Toph annoyed.

Zuko realized that, really, Toph didn’t have anyone to talk to about this. And, he supposed he owed her, for that time he burned her feet - while she was trying to prove he was a good person, too.

So, he sat back down, bracing his upper body with his arms, staring out into the ocean. It was easier if he wasn’t looking at her, he supposed. Parents were… a bit of a touchy subject, for him.

Toph had no such avoidance, and launched back into the discussion she had begun on the search - this time, however, Zuko paid attention.

“-They always babied me. ‘Let’ me learn earthbending but acted like it was some sort of toy - like it was some hobby, versus a way of life. They never believed I was capable of anything, even when I proved it to them. They didn't want a person, they wanted a child. Forever. I think they think my blindness is some sort of secret gift, like it keeps me dependent on them. They get their forever kid, now. They were so worried about protecting me, they never even considered who _I_ was, what _I_ valued.”

“I get that.” Zuko said. And, in a weird way, he did.

Their parents were like some weird, twisted parallel - controlling, cared about their perception of their child only, and got angry when the child didn’t fit the mold? Check, check, and - Zuko felt a phantom twinge of pain in his face - definitely check. Yet, it was opposites, too. Her parents wanted to keep her safe, shielded. His father had thrown him to the raccoonwolves without a care - had burned the flesh from his face - just because he had dared to do something different from the son that his father had deemed to have created.

Zuko said as much - leaving out the burn part, she didn’t need to know that - and Toph let out a sigh, giving up her sandbending activities to cross her arms.

“Parents suck.”

“Yeah.” Zuko frowned. “My mother… she saved my life, once. My father was going to kill me, because of something he had said to the Firelord, and she intervened. She gave her life for mine. I had always assumed… I thought she was dead. But she’s not - once the war is over, I’m going to find her. I’m going to bring her home.”

“You sound like Katara.” The words were clearly meant to sound as an insult, but it just came out flat. Like she knew that he was judging her for complaining about her living parents. Which was wrong - he didn’t judge her. He understood, all too well, trying to get parental love by being their perfect version. How those versions were never close enough to reality to endure. And the consequences of daring to object to those versions were always far, far too steep.

“She and I have stuff in common.” Zuko shrugged. Then, seeing Toph’s expression, added, “You and I have stuff in common, too.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“Shitty childhoods.”

Toph was silent for a moment, and Zuko was worried that this was one of those ‘only-I-get-to-talk-smack-about-my-family’ situations that was going to get him sandblasted into next week - which would be bad, since the comet was coming in a couple of days - but instead, Toph just exclaimed, ‘Wait, you’re allowed to curse?”

“What?” Zuko frowned, “Um, yeah. I lived on a ship for three years. With sailors. I assumed that you… you know, would curse a lot, actually. Surprised that you didn't."

“I do! I curse all the time! But Aang said he didn’t 'like it', so I had to stop.” Toph grouched.

“Hm.” Zuko considered for a moment. “Maybe, if you start cursing, he’ll show up from wherever he is and tell you to knock it off.”

“Or maybe he won’t.”

“In which case, you wouldn’t have a reason to stop.”

Toph’s grin grew exponentially. “Zuko, you’re a fucking _genius!_ And then, if Katara gets mad, I can tell her that I’m trying to summon Aang! Oh, this is so fucking smart, dude, this is why you should have joined our group fucking _ages_ ago! I wouldn’t have had to put up with all this moralistic crap from Aang.”

“Moralistic crap is sort of Aang’s thing, though.” Zuko shrugged, voice light with - was this enjoyment? He was actually enjoying a conversation. Weird.

Toph snorted a laugh, before her grin fell. “Do you think he’s going to show up?”

“He doesn’t have much of a choice.” Zuko shrugged, “I’m sure I’d kick his ass if he bailed.”

“You haven’t been able to kick his ass for the past year, what makes you think this time is going to be any different?”

“Because now I know that I can just tell him to fuck off and he’ll die inside.”

“Who needs firebending when there’s cursebending, right?” Toph joked, before grimacing. “Oh, that was shit - this is why Sokka makes the jokes around here.”

“Definitely.”

The pair lapsed back into silence, before Toph spoke up.

“I know about your scar, you know.”

Zuko stiffened, but didn’t reply. He doubted he was even breathing, all of his nerves at the extreme, adrenaline beginning to race through his system. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to run away, or start chucking fireballs at everything that moved.

“It’s kept quiet, mostly, but my parents were discussing it - they think that my being blind makes me deaf, too. Since they’re ‘influential’” She said the word with scorn, “They were talking about what happened like it was a benefit, how it weakened the Fire Nation enough to keep us safe longer, the-”

Zuko closed his eyes. He didn’t want to know what others thought of his banishment, of his… the fact that anyone knew made his skin crawl.

“Did you tell the others?” He choked out, finally.

“No. It’s not their business.” Toph said determinedly. “And it’s not mine, either - or my parents. I don’t know why they had that information to begin with, let alone had to feel the need to talk about it in front of me.”

“Well, to be fair, it makes sense for the Firelord to make the news as public as possible, politically speaking.” Zuko tried to keep his voice impassive - judging by the expression on Toph’s face, it didn’t seem to be working. “Fire Nation would revere him for his impartiality - decisive in the face of opposition… no matter what face it may take.” Zuko added wryly, gesturing to his scar. “Meanwhile, the other tribes would fear him for his brutality. If he is willing to burn his own son, what would he do to their children? It was a win-win.”

“Sounds like you lost, though.”

“But I don’t matter.” Zuko’s voice was bitter, “Not in his equation.”

“Ugh," Toph said suddenly, "I feel selfish for complaining, now.” Zuko raised his eyebrow - not where he thought this was going, Toph didn't exactly worry about selfishness. "I know you had it harder than I did, but it just… I thought maybe you’d get it. Like parents building their lives around you but not caring about you yourself… it just feels so weird, like my parents are the… benevolent version of your dad.”

“I do get it. And, I know what you mean. How about… both of us have sucky families, and, if I ever find my mother, I’ll make her adopt you. Deal?”

“Only if I get to be the oldest.”

“How? You’re what, eight?” He asked, regretting the words as soon as they came out.

Sure enough, Toph grabbed some sand, enraged. “Do I look fucking _eight_ to you?” A sandball - snowball, but made of sand - hit him in the side.

“Yes?” Zuko said hesitantly, regretting it even further when another sanball hit him square in the chest, knocking him backwards.

“I can fuck you up.” Toph warned.

Zuko raised his hands in surrender. “I know you can, but you won't.”

"Yeah, beating you up stopped being fun when you joined us." She sat back down, expression turning serious. "Look, Zuko, you will find your mom. After the war… I’ll help you look."

Zuko almost asked her if she would still look even if he died fighting Azula, but decided against it. She'd probably get mad at him again.

“Thanks,” Zuko said finally, smiling tightly - he didn’t allow himself hope, even now. It hurt too much. “Between a disgraced prince and a world-class earthbender, I’m sure we can track her down.”

“That’s the spirit.” Toph grinned. “We’ll find her, then you point her out so I know who to kidnap.”

“We aren’t going to -”

“Relax, I know. She’ll probably lose her fucking mind when she sees you, though.”

“You think?” Zuko asked, one hand brushing against his scar self-consciously.

“Yep!” She replied, oblivious to his interpretation of her phrasing, “I can’t wait to see the reunion. Bet you'll cry.” Then she cracked a grin. "It'll be a fun field trip! You owe me one, after all."

And, despite his misgivings about experiencing hope - he couldn’t help but smile, just a bit. Zuko supposed that, if there was one person to believe in, it would be Toph Beifong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i felt like toph and zuko had some parallels in the show, what with their controlling family + leaving it. their situations are opposite but the motivations are the same, if that makes sense.
> 
> comments r nice. i take requests on my tumblr (same username) if you want to read something specific.


	2. Chapter 2

The war was over. Zuko didn’t feel any better, though.

His hands smoothed over his Fire Nation robes, as if reassuring himself that he was really there. That he, not his father, was Firelord. He half-expected Azula to leap out of the shadows and kill him in an instant. The lightning bolt had messed with him, he thought - why else would his hands be shaking so badly?

Aang and Katara had gone off on their reunification efforts - freeing all the prisoners they could find, mostly. Some of the waterbenders, the ones that the Fire Nation had captured so long ago, were still alive. Trapped, caged like animals, but alive.

Memorably, Zuko had found out about it accidentally, three days into his reign. When a general had asked, meekly, if his order to free all war prisoners included waterbenders. Zuko had been up in arms to free them himself, but Katara had wisely pointed out they would murder him on the spot. What with bloodbending and all. Not to mention, he sort of had a country to run. And the nation's honor to restore.

It always came back to honor, for him. The thought seemed amusing, now, rather than painful.

Sokka and Hakoda were back in the Southern Water Tribe, working on rebuilding - with the virtually unlimited resources of the Fire Nation, courtesy of… well, the annihilation of the Air Nomads, actually. Suki and the other Kyoshi warriors were staying in the palace, while he was gone. They had initially offered their aid to protect Mai, but, after Zuko laughed so hard he choked, Suki gave up the pretense…

To ask if Mai could teach her throwing stars. Judging by the way Mai’s eyes had lit up at the question, he decided that there was a higher than likely chance he’d return to a virtual army of Kyoshi warriors begging his girlfriend to train them. He didn’t doubt that she would oblige, too - Mai acted impassive, but he knew she was deeply proud of her skills.

And Toph… well, Toph was waiting for him - probably impatiently - in the courtyard.

No point in trying to put this off any longer.

Zuko shouldered his bag, taking one last, steadying breath. It would only take a couple of day’s travel to get to the village, and he trusted Mai to keep a handle of things while he was gone. She understood the importance of the mission he was undertaking.

“It’s just running a country, Zuko. I don’t see the problem.” She had said flatly - her hand soft on his shoulder, a gentle squeeze to let him know that she was okay. The tilt of her head saying that she was proud of him.

Zuko stepped outside - the sun hadonly been out for a couple of hours, but he’d been keyed up for all of them. He walked to the rendezvous place - awkwardly nodding as the guards bowed to him as he passed. That was weird. He wondered if it was acceptable to change the rules on that, or if it would be taken as an offense? Probably an offense. Yeah, maybe upsetting his country’s cultural norms that made him awkward while still trying to dismantle the _actual_ war stuff would be a bit weird.

Sure enough, Toph was already there - and, judging by the new dirt statues surrounding her, had been a bit bored.

“Ah, Zuko! Fucking _finally!_ ” She shouted, oblivious to the way the guards that were idling around twitched at the informality. He relished it - everyone called him Firelord so much, he was afraid he was going to look in a mirror and see his father’s face staring back at him. Used to be, he couldn’t stand to look at his reflection - to see his scar, his shame, staring back at him. His lack of honor.

Nowadays, he checked his scar was still there almost obsessively - with a hand, or - when the idea of physical contact sent waves of panic through him - with a glance into the nearest shiny object. It felt a bit conceited, he supposed, but it didn’t come from a place of self-aggrandizing.

No, it came from a place of fear - a lump in his throat that this time, this time when he checked, it wouldn’t be his face staring back at him.

He shouldn’t have been thinking about it - his hands were starting to shake again, and he felt his heartrate jump. He discreetly reached up, tracing the edge of his scar as he pushed back a piece of loose hair. Good. It was still there. He was still him.

Toph raised an eyebrow. “You’re pretty eager to get going, huh? I can sense your nerves from here.”

“Yes. That is why.” Zuko seized the opportunity, before quickly adding, “I am looking forward to our field trip.”

“ _Life-changing_ field trip.” Toph corrected, the statues around her falling into the earth around her.

“Of course.”

Zuko shook off the guard’s attempts to help him put his bag onto the giant eelhound, Toph doing the same. They were traveling light, anyway - he couldn’t afford to be away for long. In fact, his advisors had, well, _advised_ him to send someone else on this excursion. That he needed to be here, that restoring the nations was his priority. Which was true, yes.

But this was his _mother_ they were talking about. He had to be the one to get her back. To lift her banishment for her. He’d lived the past three years without seeing her - he didn’t want to go another day than he had to.

He was just grateful that Toph was still up for the trip he’d awkwardly offered her on the beach those few days ago. She was the type to hold people at their word, certainly, but he didn’t think she would be eager to get back into action so soon after the war ended.

Just having to wait a week after his coronation had already been grating to him - although he did understand that it would have been selfish of him to go off to find his mother, while there were still people being imprisoned in places like Boiling Rock. Now, though, with the most critical stuff taken care of, and Mai and the Kyoshi warriors at the reign - heh, reign - he felt comfortable going.

Toph clambered onto the saddle of the giant eelhound, immediately gripping the front of it with a vice grip - Zuko remembering, belatedly, how it made her feel blind. It was too bad there wasn’t a method of travel made out of dirt or something. He swung up behind her, patting her on the shoulder awkwardly as the eelhound leapt into motion.

“Sorry about the travel. It’s just-”

“Nothing’s faster over land, I know.” Toph finished for him. “Besides, it’s no worse than flying around on Appa.”

Zuko felt, privately, that at least with Appa there was less… bouncing. He gripped the edges of the saddle behind him, trying to keep himself from jolting right off the back of it.

They were silent for a bit, until Toph piped up.

“You know, I think you’re doing a good job.”

“What?”

“I said, I think you’re doing a good job!” She shouted louder, turning so that she was yelling directly into his ear.

He jerked back, keeping his balance through willpower alone.

“Oh, thanks.” He replied tensely.

“I’m being serious, Zuko. You’re like… actually making a difference.”

“The reunification is going slowly. I can’t just pull out the Fire Nation soldiers and pretend nothing happened, I have to actually fix all the issues they caused - but at the same time, I want it to be clear that I’m not interested in continuing this… Fire Nation supremacy shit.”

“What kind of issues?” Toph asked, still too loudly.

“Well there’s the obvious stuff - prisoners and that sort of thing. But they’re going to return home to what? Burned villages, their government full of Fire Nation lackeys, their businesses destroyed? Their homes aren’t even theirs anymore, because they’ve been bought by someone else, or given to refugees! Refugees caused by us - I can’t just repair their homes and expect everyone to migrate back! Like, oh, sorry we burned your homes to the fucking ground and massacred your families, please, return to your destroyed places, I promise we won’t do it again? Pinky-fucking-swear?”

Toph was silent for a moment. When she spoke, her voice was… weird. “Don’t you think that the Earth Kingdom can do some repairs on their own? It’s not like they’re helpless.”

“Well, of course they _can_ , but they shouldn’t have to!” Zuko defended hotly, “It’s our fault, I need to be the one to fix it.”

“You keep saying ‘we’, but you weren’t even a part of it, Zuko.” Toph said, “Seriously, dude, you were fucking useless in the war effort on behalf of the Fire Nation. Their past actions aren’t your burden.”

“I’m the Firelord. That makes it my burden.”

Toph was silent, but he could tell she was frowning.

She had a point, he knew - it wasn’t like he could just fix everything if he tried. But he was still going to try. Pushing the work off onto the other nations, after _his nation_ caused the damage… it would be dishonorable. Selfish. Something his father would do.

Well, no, that wasn’t true, was it? His father would have wiped them all out by now.

Zuko gripped the saddle tighter with his right hand, bringing up his left to automatically feel the puckered edge of the scar. He let out a sigh of relief. Still there. He was still him.

They rode in silence for a while longer, Zuko idly watching the trees whiz by. Toph had begun messing with a piece of rock - space earth, she had said simply - making it into a replica of random items. She snickered, suddenly, and Zuko looked back at her to see her holding up a replica of his Firelord headpiece.

“For your Majesty,” She said cockily, wide grin in place.

Zuko rolled his eyes, replying humorlessly, “We’re supposed to be undercover, you know.”

“Oh, sure. A dumbass who looks exactly like the newly minted Firelord traveling with a blind girl who looks exactly like the earthbender who created metalbending. We might as well be wearing fucking arrows on our faces like Aang.”

“You know, when I said you could curse around me, I didn’t realize you’d be so… eager.”

“Eager? It’s freedom, Zuko. Freedom to curse is freedom to speak.”

“I suppose.” It made sense, sure. Still, he was mildly concerned that her language was rubbing off on him - he’d hate to show up at his mother’s village and be cursing like a sailor. He had to be perfect, beyond reproach in any way. There couldn’t be a single reason, a single even _hint_ of a reason for her to see a flaw in him. He had to be a perfect son.

It was bad enough he was the Firelord, the same title his father had held. Bad enough that the first thing she’d see would be his scar - he touched it again, it was still there, thankfully -, bad enough that his very existence was what had caused her banishment.

What if she blamed him for it? What if she regretted having saved his life?

Zuko choked at the thought, his hand clenching until his nails dug into his palms, hard.

He had to be perfect. He had to win her love. She wasn’t like his father - his love was unobtainable because it required him to change who he was. But his mother… he had to try, he had to do everything right. He had to be the absolute best version of himself.

“Zuko, hey.” Toph’s voice sounded oddly soft, different from her normal range of expression. “You don’t need to worry about fixing all the world’s problems right now. Just focus on the stuff right now.”

Of course. That was what Toph thought he was worried about - that he was still thinking about the conversation from before.

“You’re right.” Zuko said carefully, “My duties as Firelord just… require a lot of thought.”

“As if you didn’t brood enough already.” Toph grumbled.

They were silent for a bit, Zuko keeping his mind strictly off of anything serious - instead mentally going through the steps of the Dancing Dragon, in an attempt to stave off intrusive thoughts. He wasn’t sure Toph would let him get away with a second slip up.

As the sun began to reach its highest point in the sky, the eelhound slowed to a stop, redirecting to a nearby river. Grateful for the opportunity to stretch their legs, the pair slid off of it - Toph hugging the ground and saying some borderline obscene statements about her love for it. Zuko stretched back, relishing in the cracking of his spine as he did so. As he glanced at the eelhound, still drinking from the river, he couldn’t help but check his reflection.

His own face stared back at him. He was dressed in simple Fire Nation red, Toph in her usual green. No hint of royalty anywhere. No hint of his father anywhere.

He couldn’t remind her of him, not even for an instant. He looked away, before turning to check it again a moment later automatically. He couldn’t help it - the response was just so visceral, now.

Toph pulled out some sandwiches from her bag, tossing him one. She took a bite out of her own, moaning, “Damn, those Fire Nation cooks of yours are good at their jobs. Can I steal one?”

“Go for it.” He replied, turning the sandwich over in his hands, before hesitating. “What do you plan to even do, now that the war’s over? You can’t… go back home.” He finished lamely, before shoving food into his mouth to end that weird tangent.

Toph shrugged, although the tension in her shoulders gave away her discomfort. “I figured I’d open a metalbending school. Maybe… maybe invite my parents to the opening.”

Zuko swallowed, hard. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? The parents, I mean.”

“They didn’t disavow me, Zuko. There’s still a chance they could change.”

“Do you really think that?”

“No.” Toph admitted, “But I have to try, right?”

“No, you don’t.” Zuko frowned. “Just because someone’s family doesn’t mean you have to keep trying. At some point, they have to show that they actually want to change.”

“Oh, because you’re the fucking expert on family, right?” Toph snapped.

Zuko snapped his mouth shut so hard his teeth clicked.

“Sorry.” She added after a moment.

“No, it’s fine.” Zuko forced himself to say, waving one hand dismissively. “I’m just a fucking expert on shitty parents, is all.”

“Maybe we should open a school for coping with that.” Toph suggested, as the eelhound wandered back over to them.

“Pretty sure that’s just therapy.” Zuko said, finishing his sandwich and dusting off his hands.

“Pff, who needs that?” Toph said around a mouthful of food, before shoving the remaining half of her sandwich into her face.

“Us, probably.” Zuko admitted, before gesturing to the eelhound. “Shall we?”

“Yeah.” Toph said slowly - although to which statement, Zuko wasn’t sure - before kissing the ground. “I’ll miss you.” She said to it, before hopping back up.

Zuko followed suit, checking the point of the sun and the map he had gotten from an advisor. “We’re making good time.” He said, “Should be there by midday tomorrow.”

“Sweet.”

The pair resumed their travel, this time with Zuko attempting to meditate - a bit difficult, given the fact that the eelhound was jolting him around - but effective enough that a few hours were able to pass uneventfully. Toph had, at some point, zoned out as well.

They were used to long stretches of silence - travelling on Appa for days at a time tended to do that. There was only so much to talk about before it just got grating to hear other people’s voices.

It was easy to get lost in thoughts on travels - the downside being, of course, that Zuko’s thoughts tended to be… less than pleasant. Which was why he was trying to meditate - no thoughts, no opportunity for his thoughts to turn to his own misgivings.

As the last rays of sunlight fell, Zuko felt a weariness fall over him. It was almost instantaneous - firebenders rose with the sun, and now that it was gone, he was exhausted. At least it was becoming the summer - the days were getting longer, which did help. Still, he hated how the entirety of Fire Nation were essentially asleep by now. For one thing, it left them weak, open to attack - that’s why he had broken Aang out of Zhao’s prison during the nighttime, both their bending and their minds would be weary. And now it was a vulnerability.

They weren’t fighting. Zuko knew they weren’t fighting anymore. But it was hard, sometimes, to shut that part of him off. He’d been born in war, shaped by it - he was nearing 17, and had only experienced peace for a few days of it. With those days being spent trying to undo the war’s effect, too.

He wondered if he’d ever be able to undo all the damage the war had caused. He didn’t think it would be possible - the Air Nomads were _gone_. There was no coming back from that.

Zuko also wondered, guiltily, if he’d ever be able to undo the damage the war had caused himself. If he’d ever be able to stop flinching when anyone even vaguely paternal raised their voice at him, if he’d ever sleep through a night without screaming himself awake, if he’d ever be able to put on his crown without being afraid that its power would corrupt him.

He was selfish for thinking about himself. Aang had lost his entire people, Katara and Sokka had lost their mother - permanently - and here he was, feeling sad for himself because of how the war affected him - as if it didn’t destroy the childhood of everyone in the fucking world.

He couldn’t help but think of Jet - so determined to fight and prove that he was able to make a difference in the war. To make an impact in the world itself, for the victims of the war. And what had he gotten for it? A rock to the head and a burial in a foreign land.

Zuko frowned. This was, by definition, the opposite of not thinking.

Thankfully, Toph seemed to be tired as well, as she slowed the eelhound to a stop.

“We should sleep the night.” She said, “I can’t see a thing.”

Zuko chuckled, getting down and helping Toph to the ground, before patting the eelhound on the head and taking off their bags. It blinked at him, before turning and running into the woods.

“Uh… was that our ride?” Toph asked after a moment.

“Hm? Oh, no, it’s fine. She’s just hunting, she’ll be back in a bit.” He said over his shoulder, picking up some random sticks.

“You seem awfully sure of that.” Toph frowned.

Zuko shrugged, setting the bundle of logs on the ground and lighting them with a flick of his hand. “She’s from White Lotus. If they say she’s coming back, she’s coming back.”

“Didn’t think you’re the type to trust.”

“Well, my Uncle is in it. So… I do trust _them_ , anyway.” He replied irritably, pulling open his bag. He carefully lifted out the scroll lifting his mother’s banishment and the Firelord ring that proved his reign - in case she wanted proof on either front - and pulled out a waterskin, handing it to Toph.

“Fair.” Toph acquiesced.

They ate dinner - it was true, the cooks were really something else in the Fire Nation. After having journeyed with Team Avatar - gods, what a boring name, especially by Sokka’s standards - for so long, actually going on a journey with decent food was pretty unusual.

Unusual enough that it actually felt wrong, somehow. Here they were, eating food fit for a king - literally, it was made for him, Firelord - while the refugees were starving in Ba Sing Se. By the Fire Nation’s hand.

Zuko swallowed, suddenly feeling nauseous.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Not fancy enough for you?” Toph asked, still digging in.

“I shouldn’t have left.” Zuko said, staring at the fire. “There’s so much more to do. I can’t believe I was so selfish!” His voice raised, anger and guilt mixing into the familiar tumult of emotions he was used to experiencing every day of his banishment. “People are starving to death and I can _do_ something about it and I’m just… what? Going on some stupid adventure like the war didn’t have consequences? Like my not being in the Fire Nation isn’t directly causing pain!” The fire rose with his temper.

“That’s arrogant.” Toph replied coldly, putting down her food on a raised patch of earth she had evidently made.

“Excuse me?” Zuko asked, flames shooting up even further before he clamped down on his firebending ruthlessly, ignoring the pain in his lightning wound - still not fully healed - as he forced the energy back under his skin.

“You didn’t just up and leave, Zuko. You put Mai in charge, you gave everyone stuff to do. Everything was set up to prepare for you to go and _find your mom_! But _nooo_ , you think that if you aren’t there, personally micromanaging every single fucking thing, that it’s all going to go to shit?”

“It was selfish of me to leave.” Zuko said stubbornly.

“It’s wrong of you to assume that everyone’s going to die without you.” Toph argued, “They’ve been surviving this long, the world can wait another few days. It’s okay to be selfish, sometimes.”

“I just don’t want to be my father.” Zuko admitted. There, he said it - the scar on his face was still there, but for how long? How long before he became… him. His own private concern, his greatest fear - and he was finally speaking it aloud. To Toph.

There was silence. The fire rose and fell with his heartbeat.

“Do you plan to annihilate entire races of people?” She asked finally, voice critical.

“No!” Zuko snapped. “How could you even think-?”

“Then you’re not him,” Toph shrugged, “That was easy.” She kicked back, stretching out against the ground, “Don’t know why you’re so worked up about it. It seems pretty clear to me.”

“But what if it’s not clear to her?” Zuko asked brokenly, fighting back the sudden urge to cry. “What if she sees me, and… she sees him instead? I’m so much like him. I have his temper, his face, his fucking _crown_...” Zuko trailed off, not really knowing how to continue, clenching his hand again as he blinked back the traitorous tears that attempted to escape.

“How fucking stupid are you, Zuko?” She asked, voice too kind for her words. “Seriously, I’m worried for the Fire Nation if you’re this much of a dumbass.”

He barked out a laugh, grateful for the opportunity to reel his emotions back under control.

“Zuko, legit, you’re like… the exact opposite of Ozai. He wiped out the Air Nomads, you saved the Earth Kingdom. He used his power to destroy, you’re using it to heal. Hell, he banished your mother, and you’re bringing her back. Seems obvious there’s a difference. Like, _sure_ , you guys have the same titles, but you’re like… the antithesis of each other.”

“Antithesis?” Zuko asked incredulously.

Toph frowned, “Look, my parents made me take language classes, alright? Fuck off, my point still stands.”

“I suppose so.” Zuko agreed that, logically, he wasn’t like his father. Not yet. But his mother was perceptive. She would see how close he was to falling into that corruption, even now. He was so afraid - that she would see Ozai in him. And, that her perception would be right.

His hand went up to his face again, touching his scar - it was still there.

The eelhound wandered back over to them, curling up by the fire. Zuko pretended not to notice the traces of animal blood on its muzzle - best not to mention it to Toph, even if she was more like Sokka than Aang when it came to food - and instead just laid back as well.

Toph erected a couple of tents around them - she had pulled out a few blankets, while he had no such need for them, what with being a firebender and all - and Zuko put out the fire by closing his fist. The eelhound opened one eye, but didn’t seem bothered by the loss of it.

He was grateful for the rest - sleeping on the ground, as absurd as it may sound, had become more comfortable to him than the palace. It reminded him of before he became Firelord, when they were all just running around trying to save the world. He missed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this fic initially as a oneshot but then I was fixated (heh, fic-cated) on the idea of Toph & Zuko actually going on their fieldtrip so... yeah
> 
> comments fuel me :D


	3. Chapter 3

Zuko woke up to the ground shaking. He bolted upright - the tents were gone, and Toph was standing upright. The eelhound was snarling at something in the distance. Zuko summoned fire into his hands immediately, approaching to stand beside Toph.

“There’s people out there.” She said, “I don’t recognize them.”

“How many?”

“Three. About 20 meters away, just over that ridge.”

Zuko nodded, extinguishing his flames. “Alright, then. We’re just travelers - no bending unless they become a threat.”

“Fine.” Toph said, sitting back down. He lit up another fire - to telegraph just how awake and active they were, not sleeping or vulnerable in any way - and put on some water for the tea his Uncle had insisted he bring, courtesy of the Jasmine Dragon. “In case you meet fellow travelers,” He had said - Zuko was sure his Uncle would love to be right about that.

Sure enough, a group of three came into view shortly thereafter - he spotted the gentle light of fire before anything else.

The three were very clearly refugees, if their clothes were any indication. He could practically sense the weariness coming off of them in waves.

He noticed their steps falter as they spotted him and Toph, before they continued - not much of a choice, really, considering the road was much too narrow to do much else, even with him and Toph at the every edge of it.

The three consisted of an older woman, a younger woman, and a man. They were dressed in Earth Kingdom greens, but their clothes were ragged - the bottoms of them caked with dirt, as if they’d been walking for a while.

When they were much closer, the younger woman seemed to notice Zuko was dressed in Fire Nation clothes. She quickly shifted, putting herself closer to them than the older woman, eyeing him with what was clearly an attempt to be a glare, but… she just looked so _scared_.

Scared of him.

Zuko’s heart ached.

“Would you like to rest?” He asked suddenly, gesturing awkwardly to them. “I just put on some tea.”

The man shook his head. “We need to keep moving.”

“Travelling at night is risky.” Toph said, frowning, “There’s all kinds of raccoonwolves out there.”

“Better them than Fire Nation soldiers.” The woman replied firmly.

“The war is over. The soldiers aren’t supposed to be causing anyone trouble anymore.” Zuko said tersely, scowl forming on his face.

“Sure. They just walk straight back to Fire Nation, without so much as a wayward glance at people they were taught to think of as the enemy?” The woman scoffed, looking uncomfortable, “Just because the war is over officially doesn’t mean the indoctrination just vanishes along with it.”

The man nodded, “Exactly. There’s no point in testing our luck with them.”

“That’s fair.” Toph agreed, “We’re just both night owls.”

“Ah. I wasn’t expecting that.” The woman said after a moment, eyeing Zuko again.

Toph cut in before Zuko had a chance to stutter out something. “Yeah, I’ve been told my little brother doesn’t look like he’s from Earth Kingdom, and the clothes he’s wearing don’t exactly help.”

“ _Little_ brother?” The woman asked, confusion coloring her tone - but the hostility vanishing in the midst of it, thankfully.

“Yeah, I know right? Crazy.” Toph replied, reaching out to fumblingly give Zuko a noogie - playing up the blind girl thing for them, clearly.

He endured it with a forced smile. “Yep. My big sister. She’s a bit smaller because of sickness when she was a baby.”

“Ah. Of course.” The man sounded sympathetic - pitying, more like. It grated at Zuko, but he kept his face pleasant - Toph clearly having no such reservation, and just tilting her head, putting on the sweetest smile he’d ever seen from her.

Gods, her parents’ efforts to infantilize her really taught her how to manipulate anyone. She could even - well, okay, she couldn’t trick Iroh - but anyone else, definitely.

The older woman finally spoke up. “I wouldn’t mind resting my achy bones for a moment, dear. And I love a nice cup of tea.”

The man nodded, “Yes, ma.”

Zuko grabbed one of Toph’s blankets - the thick one, she could yell at him about it later-, laying it out on the ground for the older woman to sit on. She smiled cheerily, “Oh, that’s so sweet of you, young man!”

Zuko poured tea for the five of them - the strangers accepting it without suspicion, now that the older one had given her approval. Huh. His eyes narrowed imperceptibly. After having been around his Uncle, Zuko understood the importance of not taking the elderly at face value.

Sure enough, the woman took a sip of the tea, and her eyes widened minutely - recognizing it. “Is this white lotus’ tea brand?”

There was no such brand - she was asking if it was Iroh’s.

“Yes.” Zuko replied easily, adding, “It’s quite popular in Ba Sing Se.”

The older woman nodded approvingly, and Zuko was saved from continuing the discussion - on the off chance she wanted to know _how_ he knew the Dragon of the West - by Toph piping up.

“I’m Toph, by the way. This is Lee.”

“Ah, another Li!” The woman smiled, nudging the man, “My husband’s name is so common, it’s quite difficult to locate him in the marketplace when we become separated.”

“I just call him a jerk and he shows up.” Toph grinned, punching Zuko in the arm. Zuko rubbed his arm, while Li looked on endearingly.

“I’m Chen, this is Li, as you know, and this is his mother, Jiao.”

“Pleasure to meet you.” Zuko dipped his head in greeting, Toph mirroring him.

The older woman blushed - but he could see the calculations in her eyes.

He gestured to Toph’s bag - he had food in his as well, but the Firelord ring and his mother’s documents were in it, so he didn’t dare motion to it - and asked, “Would you like something to eat? We have plenty to spare.”

“We had a meal not too long ago - what we have should last us until we reach the next Earth kingdom village.”

“That’s quite a few days’ travel.” Zuko frowned, thinking back to the map - since this road skirted one of the borders of the two nations, and they clearly didn’t want to go into Fire Nation territory, then the closest village would be at least two days walking - three, considering Jiao’s age.

“Still, we couldn’t possibly impose-” The man began, but Toph interrupted.

“Look, Li, we’re only a day’s travel from our destination. It’s just that Lee thinks overpreparedness is a fake word.”

Chen chuckled at that, shaking her head. “I’m beginning to wish I was like that, myself.”

“Please, allow us to unburden some of our provisions on you.” Toph said formally.

“Phrased like that, it’d be rude to say no.” Jiao said, eyes still appraising the pair.

“Great!” Zuko replied cheerily, handing over all the provisions from Toph’s bag. It was all non-expirable, which was good - he realized belatedly that it was a bit high-end for it to be from two random travelling kids. But it wasn’t like they’d realize that until they ate it - and by that point, he and Toph’d be far away from them.

“You are very kind.” Li said, bowing over his tea.

“Oh, yeah, no problem.” Zuko replied awkwardly, taking a gulp of tea in an attempt to avoid accepting thanks. He didn’t deserve that - it was his fault they were refugees in the first place. His fault they were forced to travel by night.

He was going to change that the instant he got back to the palace. No more letting soldiers get away with shit - he hadn’t even been aware they’d been allowed to get away with shit to begin with. Just another thing his generals hadn’t elected to tell him - probably because they knew that their function as military strategists was rapidly coming to an end.

It wasn’t enough that Zuko was Firelord himself. No, he had to root out the entire political sphere. Everyone in power was there for their military might, their sadistic pleasure in destruction. Like Zhao was. He had to get rid of them all, start over fresh.

He’d been able to get rid of just a couple of his advisors, and replace them with a couple of Kyoshi warriors - he didn’t even know their names, but Suki vouched for them, and he found they aligned more with him than all the Fire Nation ones combined. Of course, long-term, he had to find Fire Nation advisors - from a practical standpoint, it wouldn’t serve his nation to end a war just to invite other countries to fill the palace. It would look too much like he was a figurehead, and restoring the Fire Nation’s honor would fall onto the point that the other nations had to do it for them. And it wouldn’t help the effort to switch the entire Fire Nation system to… well, not commiting genocide.

Oh, so much genocide. He could still remember his education - the Fire Nation as colonizers, bringing their ‘superior’ ways. How all of the generals, all of the soldiers, all of the _children_ , had been steeped in their propaganda since the day they were born.

Now wonder it was so easy for them to commit violence against the other nations.

They didn’t even see them as _human_.

Zuko was drawn out of his reverie by Toph punching his arm.

“Lee spaces out sometimes, sorry about that.” She said, “He can play the tsungi horn, but that’s about it.”

Chen looked sympathetic. “Ah, I understand.” She was kind as she looked at him - and so, so pitying. It made him want to tear out his eyes, just so he didn’t have to see that expression on her face. “A consequence of the war. I’ve seen it in the face of many soldiers. They’re calling it war shock these days, the… mind not being in the present, for a time.” She looked even sadder, “But you are so young to have experienced such hardship.”

“The war finds us all.” Zuko said quietly, one hand coming up to check - yes, his scar was still there - before dropping it back down to wrap around his rapidly cooling tea.

They were all silent, for a moment. Zuko’s shoulders hunched in on himself.

Li downed the rest of his tea, placing his cup down, and breaking the silence. “Thank you for your hospitality.” He said, “But we do need to be going. Much walking left to do, after all.”

Chen nodded, finishing her tea as well. “Thank you Lee, Toph. You are both far too kind.”

As the three got up, Zuko rose as well. He bowed to them, and he bowed back - as equals, not as subservient. Gods, did he miss that sense of equality.

As the three began to leave, Jiao hung back for a moment, sidling over to Zuko while refolding the blanket he had placed on the ground.

“I must admit,” Jiao said to him quietly, “I didn’t know the Firelord could make decent tea.”

Zuko sputtered, eyes wide, and she just waved her hand, placing the blanket into his limp arms. “It’s alright. Your Uncle is a… good friend of mine.” Then, as if his mouth wasn’t completely agape, she gave a cheer, “Goodbye!” And took off with Chen and Li.

Zuko snapped his mouth shut. The fact that his Uncle had… lady friends… was not something he wanted to think about. Ever.

Once the three were out of sight, Toph plucked the blanket out of Zuko’s arms. “I was kind of hoping for a fight, actually.”

“Of course you were.” Zuko replied automatically, still staring after them. After a moment, he asked, tentatively, “Do you… do you think war shock is… I mean…?”

Toph crossed her legs.

“I don’t know.” She admitted, “It’s… I know how hard it can be, sometimes. When Sokka, Suki, and I were on the airships… Sokka broke his leg. He was holding onto me as I dangled over the edge, and… I couldn’t see anything, but I could hear - he was using his broken leg to wrap on a support beam, so he wouldn’t drop me. And I could hear the bone just _cracking_ , like a tree branch breaking. He was trying so hard not to scream, but…”

“The sound of it haunts you.” Zuko said quietly. He sat down beside Toph, letting her lean against him, one of her arms wrapping around his, clinging on. “I’m so sorry, Toph.”

“Yeah.” Toph blinked impassively, grip tightening on Zuko’s arm. “War fucking sucks.”

“Yeah.”

A beat of silence.

Zuko licked his lips, a weight pressing on his lungs. “It’s… I…” He couldn’t get himself to say it, even now.

“You don’t have to tell me.” Toph said, voice unusually quiet. Zuko didn’t think he’d ever seen her this subdued before.

“Thank you.” He whispered hoarsely, free hand coming up to touch his scar.

Toph noticed the motion, but merely said, “You know, you’re like… super warm.”

“Yeah, Mai thinks it’s hot.”

Toph laughed, punching him in the arm. “You know what Aang would say about that.”

“... Leave the puns to Sokka?”

Toph shook her head, standing up and bending up an earth airglider that mirrored Aang’s. She cleared her throat and then, in an obscenely peppy voice, said, “Flameo hotman! Your heat is bend-tastic!”

Zuko burst into laughter, “What the fuck?” He choked out between gasps for air, “What does that even mean?”

“I have no fucking clue,” Toph shrugged, grinning from ear to ear, “But he’s said all of it before.”

“That doesn’t surprise me.” Zuko shook his head, still amused. It wasn’t even like the words were that funny itself - it was some combination of the words, the mimicry, the fact Toph was the one doing it, how tired he was, and the leftover bit of emotions from the… war shock… that left him feeling just a little bit too keyed up.

Toph tried to hide a yawn, and Zuko took the opportunity to suggest they get some rest. She erected their tents again, and he laid down, staring up at the stone roof.

War shock.

Huh.

It made sense, he supposed. He knew some of the soldiers on his ship, back when he was still hunting the Ava- still hunting Aang, who would have trouble sleeping at night, even when they were exhausted. How some of them would jolt whenever they heard the sound of his swords - how they would be so wary, even when they knew it was just him.

Zuko couldn’t afford such weakness, however. He was Firelord, now, and his priority was to heal the Nation, heal the damage from the war. He couldn’t just… if some random stranger like Chen could tell, then anyone could. He had to get better about concealing it.

His hand touched his cheek, and he closed his eyes. It was a cold comfort, to have such evidence that he was still him. Not for the first time, he was grateful he hadn’t had the opportunity to accept Katara’s offer to heal it, in Ba Sing Se.

His heart ached at the thought of the rest of the team having war shock. If Toph, the strongest of them all, was haunted by it… then there was no real hope for any of them, was there?

Zuko felt himself begin to shake, and he shifted his hand so it was covering his face, eyes squeezed shut in an ineffective attempt to prevent himself from crying. The odd energy from his laughing was crumbling down around him, leaving him all too vulnerable.

He wanted it to all be gone. He just wanted to be a child again, feeding turtleducks with his mother, playing in the sand with his Uncle and Lu Ten. He just wanted to be able to _be_. To exist without this constant feeling of panic, of fear. His throat felt closed up. He wanted so little, but it was still too much to ask for. More than he deserved, certainly.

Chen was wrong. He was not young. Not anymore. He wanted to be, gods he wanted to be young again, but there was no going back. No changing the world, no undoing the war.

Zuko dropped his hand, turning to his side and clenching it into a fist under his head. He just had to believe that one day, he’d fix the world. Then, maybe, he’d be able to sleep without the sound of Azula’s laughter bouncing inside his skull, of his father’s voice - saying he was _proud_. The very thing he had chased after for most of his life, now twisted its way inside his brain, sending nausea and disgust and _fear_. What if his father _would_ be proud of him, of his actions?

Zuko’s hand flitted back to his scar. Still there. Still proof of his father’s shame in him.

Good.

\----  
Zuko hadn’t slept well. Still, he’d actually slept better than he had in his quarters - being outside, in the dirt, it felt more like home than the palace did. He sincerely hoped that he would adjust, though - otherwise, he might have to start sleeping in the palace gardens.

He stretched, watching Toph repack her bag - he had gotten up at the rise of dawn, and had woken her up.

She had whined for a bit, until he shoved some tea and rice at her for breakfast, which she had begrudgingly accepted.

There was little to pack of his own bag, since it barely contained anything other than his mother’s papers and his ring, but he fiddled with the strap of it for something to do while Toph unceremoniously shoved her blankets into the bag, the dirt pulling away from the cloth as she did so.

Once that was done, she turned to Zuko. “We moving or what?”

Zuko nodded, then answered. “Yeah.”

They got back onto the eelhound - despite the fact that it was White Lotus’, he had to admit he had actually been - privately - concerned that it would be gone come morning, regardless of what he told Toph. He really had to give them credit.

Zuko checked the map as they rode - they were only a few hours from the village, now, and he felt his nerves begin to play up once more.

“Dude, cut it out.” Toph grumbled, “You’ve been stressed since this thing started. Just… let’s talk about something fun, for once? Please?”

“Okay.” Zuko replied automatically. It wasn’t like he meant to bring her down - though it was true, aside from their brief bit of camaraderie last night, most of their journey had been full of difficult conversations and intrusive thoughts.

Zuko thought for a moment. “So, is it true you were in a earthbending fighting ring?”

“Yep! Undefeated returning champion, too.” Toph beamed, risking lifting one hand from its death grip on the saddle to pound on her chest, “I’m the best earthbender there is.”

“I don’t doubt it.” Zuko replied, “Bumi nearly had a heart attack when he learned about metalbending - although, to be fair, that might have just been him laughing. It’s hard to tell.”

“Bumi? He’s fucking crazy.” Toph said, grin spreading even wider, “I want to be just like him. But stronger, obviously. And preferably crazier.”

“Well, you’ve got the crazier down for sure.” Zuko couldn’t help but grin, and Toph leaned back, smacking at his arm but mostly hitting his elbow.

“You’re a dick, saying that to a poor, blind little girl.” Toph said, pouting - and really, she reminded him so much of Iroh when he played up his helplessness to get the enemy to lower their guard. It was almost uncanny, they even lilted their voice in the same way.

“You should visit Uncle, in Ba Sing Se. Once this is over, I mean.”

“I should.” Toph frowned, “I like him a lot. He’s a smart guy.”

“Yeah, he is. And, besides, he probably needs someone to wait tables, now that I’m gone.”

“You trying to get rid of me?”

Zuko shook his head, “No, no, I didn’t mean it like that, it was more of-”

“I know, Zuko. I’m just fucking with you.” Toph shrugged, “You’re even easier to set off than Sokka, by the way.”

“I’m serious, though. Uncle would love to have you, and… well, you’d be able to open your metalbending academy in the city.”

“Hm. You know, you’re not wrong.” Toph grinned, "Maybe you do know what you're doing."

The pair chatted aimlessly, until buildings began to dot the horizon.

Immediately, Zuko’s brain-to-mouth stopped working, dropping off halfway through a sentence. Their journey had completely slipped his mind, just enjoying the company of Toph. But now, as the village loomed in front of them, he could feel his breathing pick up, his pulse skyrocket.

They got off the eelhound, walking instead of riding through the village. Unwanted attention was best to be avoided, after all.

Zuko followed the directions - he checked the map again, even though he had memorized them a thousand times over - to a specific house.

It was simple. There were a few chairs parked next to a table. He could smell tea herbs in the planters that wrapped around the house’s sides, and the doorframe looked like it had been repainted a few times.

It felt more like the idea of home than a palace did.

Zuko lifted his hand to knock. It was shaking.

Toph nudged him. “You can do this. It’ll be great.”

He swallowed, hard, gritting his teeth and straightening his back, ramrod. Then, he knocked.

The door swung open.

“Just a moment, dear.” A voice - _her_ voice - said, as she stepped into the doorway.

And froze.

Her hair was put back, and she was wearing simple clothes, an apron around her front. She had more wrinkles than before, more laugh lines.

“Ursa, who is it?” Another woman’s voice called from inside the house, seeming to shock her out of her reverie.

“Zuko?” She asked breathily, one hand reaching out to cup his face - as if afraid he wasn’t really there. He put his hand over hers - her hands were lightly calloused, warm.

“It’s me, mom.”

She fell to her knees, pulling him into a tight hug, “Oh, my dear, I thought… I heard about your banishment. I was so scared for you.”

“It’s alright.” Zuko said thickly, “Uncle went with me. He… helped me to the right path.”

His mother - she was here, she was alive, she was _real_ \- pulled back, even though it seemed to pain her to do so. She took him in, eyes welling with new tears as she took in his scar.

“Oh, what did Ozai do to you?” She breathed, as if to touch it but not daring to.

“It doesn’t matter.” Zuko shook his head, “He’s gone. I’m the Firelord now, and, look,” Zuko opened his bag, fumbling for the scroll and handing it to her - belatedly noticing she had a dusting of flour on her hands - awkwardly clearing his throat. “It shows that your banishment was lifted, you can come back now. If you… if you still want to.”

Ursa didn’t open the scroll. “Let’s go inside, shall we? Bring your friend, too.”

The three entered the home, and Ursa sat down, opening the scroll.

Another woman’s head popped through a doorway that, presumably, led to the kitchen, based off the smell of baking bread that wafted from there.

“Bao, we have visitors.” Ursa said, gesturing to the pair. Zuko smiled awkwardly, and Toph just grinned. “My son, and…”

“Toph Beifong, best earthbender in the world.” Toph supplemented.

“Your son?” The woman raised her eyebrows, “The new Firelord?”

“Hello, Zuko here.” He raised his hand tentatively at the woman in greeting.

“Bao, love, why don’t you join us?” As if sensing an incoming refusal, adding, “The bread won’t burn if we leave it for a moment.”

“Very well.” Bao joined them, hovering off to the side. Zuko appreciated that she was clearly feeling just as awkward as he was.

“Zuko, dear, I appreciate this offer. It’s beyond kind, and… it means a lot.” She hesitated, “But, you must know that the palace was never my home. That even though I was terrified at being forced to leave you there, I was… relieved to be out of Ozai’s reach.”

“What about Azula? Were you scared for her?” Zuko asked sharply, ignoring, for now, how she was very clearly declining his offer.

“Azula…” Ursa pursed her lips, “If I could have gotten to her sooner, then maybe she would have been different. Ozai was upset that you weren’t turning out his perfect soldier, he refused to even let me come in contact with Azula for a few years after her birth, just to make sure she was groomed properly.” His mother frowned deeper, before pushing the thought away - eyes clearing some of its regret. “Regardless, I will not be returning with you.”

“Well, you don’t have to come back right now.” Zuko jumped on the opportunity, “You can… you can take some time here, and then come back to the palace.”

“I’ll visit, certainly. But my home is here, Zuko. It always was.”

“But, but,” Zuko felt like a petulant child, “But I need you! Uncle is in Ba Sing Se, Azula’s gone mad, the Avatar is halfway across the world, my advisors are all war hawks and sadists… the only frame of reference I even _have_ for my job is my father!”

“Zuko,” Ursa began carefully - a hint of… _fear_ in her voice.

Zuko snapped his mouth shut, drawing back from her instantly - he was stupid, reminding her of his connection to her husband, he shouldn’t have said that, it was his fault, his fault. Now she’d see the similarities, gods, he even had his temper. Zuko’s nails dug into his palms, and he stared at the floor, unable to meet Ursa’s imploring gaze.

“I apologize for the outburst.” He said, mouth going on autopilot while he mentally berated himself, “It was disrespectful of me to do so. Your banishment has been lifted, you are free to travel amongst the Fire Nation as you please, and are welcome at the palace should you so choose.”

“Zuko-”

“I apologize for having disrupted your home.” He bowed, deeply. “Please, forgive me.”

Toph, who had remained unusually quiet for this entire thing, shot him a glare, but remained silent - for now.

“Zuko, I am proud of you.” Ursa said gently, “And you’re resourceful. You’ll figure out how to fix those advisors. But, besides, you don’t _need_ a mentor anymore. You’ve grown so much, and far too fast. At your age, you should have a mentor, should have someone to guide you. But now you have to guide a nation. I’m not saying it’s fair, I’m saying that it’s your duty.”

“I don’t want to fix the world. I want to stay with you.” Zuko choked, hating himself for saying it. “I want to be selfish.”

“But you can’t be selfish, not when you're the Firelord.” Ursa placed her hand on his shoulder, “My dear, you’re so brave. You have to lead - I wish I could keep you here, let you rest from the weary world.” She squeezed his shoulder, “But we both know that you cannot stay.”

Toph leaned forward, blind eyes narrowing. “Your son shows up asking for you, and you’re just going to say no? He came here, himself, to see you, and you just don’t care?”

“It’s fine, Toph.” Zuko said quietly, shrugging out of his mother’s hand. “We should go.”

“No, no, you made the decision of inviting me, now you get the consequences.” Toph snapped back, turning to face Ursa. “Do you even know how old he is? He’s not even 17 yet, he’s literally a child! _Your_ child! And you expect him to just go at it on his own? He _just_ said his entire political sector is corrupted and evil, that he needs someone to help him, and you can’t even be bothered to do that? How, pray tell, the fuck is he supposed to lead when he's doing it alone?”

“Toph, that’s enough.” Zuko said sternly, but Toph kept going.

“No, Zuko, it’s not! I thought your mom was going to be better than this. But I guess your goodness really all came down to Iroh, and didn’t have shit to do with either of your parents!”

Zuko shot her a glare that would incinerate anyone else, anger pulsing through his veins.

He was distracted as Ursa stood, walking to a nearby shelf and pulling out a sheet of paper, and some ink, before sitting back down. She scribbled on it, the tense silence stretching on as the other three - Toph, Zuko, and Bao - all glared at each other.

“I’m assuming that you want Fire Nation advisors, to telegraph a unified front?” She asked offhandedly. Formally.

Zuko nodded, “Yes, that’s correct.”

“I figured. Now, what you want is to get a mix of advisors - Ozai kept all of his military, that’s part of why everyone’s so keen on war from your current pool. I’d recommend finding the priority causes, the stuff you need to change right now. Everything’s going to be important, but you need to focus on the urgent. That’d be brokering peace deals with the other nations - the good thing about that is you won’t need Fire Nation advisors for that, since you’re already allied with the other nations privately. Then there’s rebuilding, education reform, that sort of thing.” She turned the paper around, showing Zuko a list. “Now, this is a list of people I know who I trusted back when I was in the palace.”

Zuko read it over - they were clearly back into Firelord matters, not social or familial ones. That was a bit of a comfort, he supposed, since it did help him actually fix a problem. Not the one he hoped his mother would fix, but still. He was grateful for the aid.

“There’s a lot of medics on here.” He stated.

“Yes. They and teachers are the most likely to prioritize life - of course, teachers have been teaching propaganda for a hundred years now, unintentionally or not, so it’s going to be harder to rely on them at the moment. The fact is, everyone in the entire country - yourself included - were raised on propaganda. That makes every single person compromised.”

“Great. That makes me feel good about finding advisors.” He muttered.

“It just means one of your priorities has to be education reform. And you have to find the least indoctrinated ones out there - people who’ve left the Fire Nation, besides to lead wars - and enroll them. Maybe a few soldiers who were posted in peaceful areas, ones who stayed in one place for a long time. They're the most likely to have positive memories associated with the other nations.”

“That’s… actually really helpful.” Zuko said slowly, “I… thanks.”

Ursa nodded, “Of course. Anything I can do for my Firelord,” adding with a smile, “Especially one who is my son.”

Zuko clutched the paper in his hand, before remembering his ring. He fumbled it out of his bag, offering it to his mother. “It’s… if, I mean, if you ever decide to visit, it’ll guarantee safe passage.”

“Of course I’ll visit, Zuko.” Ursa said, “I just can’t leave my life here.”

“Then, I look forward to seeing you in the future.” Zuko said stiffly, “Would it be permissible to exchange letters to one another as you are living here?”

“Certainly,” Ursa nodded. She looked pained, as if she could see him pulling away. Maybe she could.

“We should go.” Zuko said suddenly, turning to Toph. “I have to get back to the palace, if I’m going to be able to implement these changes before the next meeting.”

“Are you sure?” Toph asked, gesturing discreetly to Ursa, who was looking on.

“Yes. The nation is more important than my excursions.” Zuko’s voice was firm. He turned, bowing to his mother, and then to Bao. “We must depart.”

“I understand.” Ursa said, pulling Zuko in for another hug. “I am proud of you, Zuko. You will make an incredible Firelord.”

Toph just waved, her normal dismissive attitude tinged with annoyance.

They didn’t speak until the village had vanished behind them.

“That fucking _sucked_.” Toph said, “Are you alright?”

“I just realized that… my mother left a long time ago. I’ve changed and… well, she has too. There’s so many bad memories of the palace for her. She didn’t exactly love my father.”

“But you and Azula…" Toph seemed to be thinking of how to phrase it, "Well, you both _exist_ , so…”

Zuko grimaced. His lack of a response seemed enough for her.

“Oh.” Toph frowned, “I feel bad about yelling at her, now. Not all war shock comes from… well, war.”

“Well, either way,” Zuko was happy to change the subject, “Your yelling convinced her to give a damn. That’s more than I could say would’ve happened without you there.”

“Yeah, I am pretty important.” It was silent for a while, then, “She was wrong to say that you couldn't be selfish. It's important to put some priority onto yourself, for your own sake."

"So you've said." Zuko frowned. "In which case, we shouldn't be angry at her for wanting to be selfish, either."

"Fine." Toph muttered, before her voice lifted, in an attempt to add some levity back into their conversation. "What I’m hearing is that she isn’t likely to adopt me, though.”

Zuko snorted. “I doubt it.”

“Well, shit, how am I supposed to pick on you now?”

“I think you’ll manage.”

More silence.

“I am sorry this didn’t work out the way you were hoping.” Toph leaned back, looking at him. “Parents suck.”

“Yeah.” Zuko was still holding the paper she had given him, full of names and opportunities to make a difference. “But I think this went the best it could have, honestly.”

“That’s depressing.”

“Mm.”

“Maybe that actress who played Aang will adopt us.”

Zuko snorted, “Right.”

“Or Hakoda.”

“He’s the Chief of the Southern Water Tribe. It would look like favoritism if I-”

“I’m kidding, Zuko.” Toph nudged him. “Seriously, it’s fine. You’re the Firelord, and I’m the world’s first metalbender. We don’t need parents.”

“I need…” Zuko hesitated, “I need to make sure that future kids don’t have to grow up in war. Not like us.”

Toph shivered - it almost would have passed off as her being chilly, but it was doubtful with him being in that close proximity.

“That’s a good idea, Zuko. You should make that one of your priorities.” She was trying to phrase it with humor, but it came out flat. A little too honest.

His hand flitted up to his scar, checking it was still there. His mother’s words hadn’t changed his lingering fears - despite his hope that they would.

“I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ursa is a victim just like the rest of them - i feel like her choosing to give up her place for zuko's sake was actually lowkey a form of escape for her. and after living in the palace with ozai... i can't imagine her willingly staying there again.
> 
> comments are super awesome! and i take requests for fics :D


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